Victoria's Secret
By Robert Joki
January 13, 2008
I am going to switch things up a little bit this week. I checked my email the other day and found the following letter. I am by no means an advice columnist, but I could not resist sharing this young woman and her question with the readers of my blog. She has asked to remain anonymous, and I respect that. We shall call her Victoria.
Dear Mr. Joki,
Hey, I have a question and can't think of a better person to ask. I've been faithfully reading FatCamp and continue to be amazed with all the new knowledge I acquire there!
Well, I am engaged to a Bud-drinking, camo-wearing, redneck who thinks he is the manliest thing to ever walk the earth...but after he locked me in a room and threatened to kill me for the zillionth time I decided to teach him a lesson and left for a few days, upon which I decided to spend a few nights with a cute contractor who I'd been talking to on the side. Things got physical this weekend, and I was rather shocked last night to discover him wearing a pair of black lace "boy shorts" you know, the panties that are actually meant for girls, that kind of sit low off the hip? They were nearly identical to the ones I was wearing. I didn't want to seem like a country bumpkin, so I hid my surprise and we proceeded with the evening, which included some great sex in multiple variations (in which his skill and enthusiasm seemed to bear out his claim that he is straight). He is also extremely well endowed!
I also forgot to mention that when I retired to the bathroom to don my own outfit of schoolgirl skirt, black thigh highs, and 5-inch Gucci stilettos, he asked if I'd be put off if he put on some thigh highs himself. I was actually pretty put off by the idea, to tell the truth, but again was loathe to seem terribly unsophisticated, to I told him to go ahead. By the grace of God, he'd misplaced them, so I was spared the image of a cute, rugged-preppy guy in white thigh highs to match my own.
I'm confused on many levels. I'm actually interested in keeping this guy around, at minimum as a booty call, and possibly even as a candidate for a relationship. He owns a fantastic house worth close to a mil, and is only a year older than myself. Is this penchant for panties normal? If not, then what is it symptomatic of? Please advise.
Please write back soon!
Victoria
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Dear Miss Victoria,
Thank you for reading my blog. I am glad you enjoy it. It's good to know that I am not just doing this to hear myself type.
The first thing I would do is ditch the hick. Girl...I'm not even gonna ask how you ended up getting engaged to a man who locks you in a room and threatens to kill you...but you need to get the hell out. And I don't mean for a few days. Wait until he goes hunting, or stock car racing, or down to the depot. Then pack up anything with a designer label...and run like the wind. It sounds like a dangerous situation.
As for J Edgar Hoover...that's a little more complicated. I know a lot of people are probably reading this and assuming that this dude is gay. Contrary to popular belief, men who wear women's clothing for arousal purposes are not necessarily homosexual. He may enjoy being dominated. He may just like the feel of lace against his junk. His mother have been frightened by a teddy when he was in the womb. Who knows why people like what they like! The point is, you need to find out exactly what he fancies, and then see if that jives with you. Talk to him about it. If he was comfortable enough to come strutting into the bedroom dressed as Grace Jones, he probably won't be shy about a little conversation. His enthusiasm for your illicit encounter is a good sign. If you still have doubts even after the convo, spring sex on him unexpectedly...at a time and place where there isn't a panty in sight. If he has trouble delivering, the undergarments may be the real object of his affection.
So, I say dump the psycho and go for the sweet transvestite! Money, good looking, big dick...any one of these sounds like more than enough reason to break off the engagement with the man who will probably end up beating you, and go with the guy who may just want you to spank him. The only downside I can see with the new guy, is that he may snatch your skivvies occasionally to wear on the job site. If that bothers you, set some ground rules. Buy him a corset for Valentine's Day!
Remember that variety is the spice of life...and it takes all kinds. Let me know how everything pans out. Thanks again for the kind words about my blog.
HUGS,
RDJ
I would like to open this up to my other readers. What do you think about this situation? Do you have any advice to offer? How kinky is too kinky?
If anyone has a question they would like answered on FAT CAMP, please feel free to contact me at Robertjoki@aol.com. I promise to keep all posts anonymous.
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The upside: you can go shopping at Vicki's together and since he has money he would probably pay for everything.
The downside: being jealous if he looks better in a pair then you do.
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It would also suck if he stretched out the front panel in all of your undees...and you had to walk around with floppy panty crotch all the time.
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.....
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Thanks Will. Dots are the new stripes.
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No such thing as too kinky.
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Wow, Screw Dr, Laura
From now on I am sending all of my crazy dysfunctional friends to you.
I completely agree with the advise. Who cares what he wears. If he makes you happy and cares about you, that is all that matters.
The key thing to keep in mind girls is that you can always do better than white trash.
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well, in my opinion...as sick and twisted as it can seem...i would have to agree with katieeverybody. there is no such thing as too kinky. i mean, yes, too kinky for me or you...but if miss vicki likes her dirty little secret the way it is...have at it, girl. speaking as one of the transgender populace, i really don't think my opinion is valid on "kinky" as far as anyone of the general populace defines it. oh, mr. joki, you've done it again!
-kage
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I believe everyone is entitled to their own secret fantasies and fetishes, but if he starts wearing a wig and using your picture to impersonate you so he can talk (and other online activities) with straight men in chat rooms, there may be a problem.. Note.. this is just a hypothetical example.. hahahahhahahaahh!!!
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No such thing as too kinky?? I'm not the most vanilla person in the world...but even I have my limits. I'm just glad that I learned early on that the word "scat" takes on a different meaning in S&M culture...one that has nothing to do with singing "Da Boop Ditty"
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Svenskflicka...it sounds like you have a SINGLE WHITE SHEMALE on your hands. Feel free to drop me an email if you'd like me to address your issue in one of my upcoming blogs.
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Single White Shemale. LOL That's right up there with "Throbbin' Hood, Prince of Beavs"
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How kinky is too kinky? I dated a girl once who was a biter. It was cool for a while until she started to draw blood.
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If her redneck boyfriend is as crazy as she says he is, then it would be a really good idea to end the relationship in it's entirety. Last thing she needs is to continue cheating with contractor/fetish guy and have Mr Redneck go off the deep end. That's a good way for some really bad stuff to happen. Regardless of fetish/fantasy. I say if your not happy, ended it and get out, don't cheat. It's not good karma and lady karma can be a bitch!
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i'd be more concerned about the abuse and false imprisonment than the whole transvestite issue.
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okay, for instance...my fiancee and i are pretty damned far from vanilla. i'm talking scrimshaws and blood...and biting...
the only thing we don't do is "butt stuff"...some may say we are too kinky...but for us, we're just plain kinky enough.
kage
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Boyinakage...you naughty, naughty vampire, you!
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Blood doesn't freak me out or anything...but it is definitely not a turn on. I dated a couple of people who liked to give hickies...like a lot of them...and it got to a point where it was just tacky. My mom thought I had ebola.
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...ebola is the new stripes?
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No silly, it's not the new stripes. That's crazy talk.
Everyone knows ebola is the new black...
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Or polka dots, if that's what you're in to...
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i actually got to thinking about this "too kinky" idea.
i think i may have found something that's a bit too kinky.
lace. i have a friend who is into boys wearing silk stockings and lacey panties...and him wearing them, too...and girls in them. he basically likes anything in silk stockings and lacey panties come to think of it.
it's not kinky for me, it's just plain weird.
not that i have room to talk. lol.
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