Open and Shut [Universal]Us
February 20, 2008
Last night at the Rock Bottom Brewery in Cleveland, Ohio I hung out after dinner with a group of guys. And thanks to lively personalities and maybe some beer, but probably just personalities, the topic of conversation graced sex a few times. Well, I’m not sure anyone said the word sex, but the words banging and plowing were used in reference several times. As in, “The chic he is ___.”
“So this is your…girlfriend?” I asked hesitantly to the banging, plowing man in question. He nodded.
I had an epiphany (or the reminder of a previous one.) Men and women are like Uranus and Boobiter.
“So this is how guys [in relationships] talk when their [significant other] isn’t around,” I mused. And then there was some guffawing and maybe general agreement. I couldn’t tell, because I was deep in thought, lost in the tangled reflection that is gender role, behavior, and stereotype.
“Admit it,” one of my friends said a little later, “If a girl walked in, naked from the waist up, every guy here would turn around and look. They wouldn’t be able to help it. And you would look, too.”
“Well yeah,” I said, “but that’s because it’s so taboo in our society,” protesting. “It would be the same in Britain, or anywhere else,” he rebuked me. I relented, and made a quiet, personal note not to try and be so jealous in my own relationship.
Later, the intimate-themed conversations drifted on to people I knew and know, and I suddenly felt a wave of guilt rush over me. “TMI!” I cried after one particularly-revealing statement. The guy shrugged. And after dinner and cocktails were over, after I went home and thought about the night and that urge [Universal]we have to discuss the most intimate, rousing aspects of inter-human interaction, I came to the conclusion that human nature is pretty driven to curiosity and disclosure.
I was uncomfortable with the topic switching to a closer circle because it felt like gossip, but I was enthralled with talking of men and women and masculinity and femininity and sexuality when it wasn’t so close to home.
Yesterday at work one of my co-workers jokingly asked me a personal question about my relationship. I choked and sputtered, “No!” in defiance and indignance. How dare he ask me that? I thought. Deciding to joke back, I then rattled off a string of sarcastic, private inquiries about the girl he is currently dating. But I questioned myself afterwards, wondering why it had hit so close to home, wondering why I felt the need to be so defensive, so locked, so closed. I could have just answered it simply, and smiled in confidence.
But human dealings are somehow not always quite so simply open and shut.
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if any woman walked into a public place topic everyone would look, not just men.
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topless.
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True. I think I said that. I also don't think there's anything wrong with that!
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If I guy truly respects the woman he is with, or dating then he should not disclose details of what goes on in the bedroom. Let alone refer to it as plowing her, sounds like this guys a bona fide tool. Some much for chivalry. *shrugs
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Will, it wasn't the guy, but his friend. I think the situation was all in good fun. Do you think chivalry could adjust to this time and still be effective?
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Chivalry, well I like to just think that certain things should stay in the bedroom. However, beer and wine, etc have a way of allowing words to fly. Personally I wouldn't speak that way about my wife out of respect for her. But to each his or her own I suppose.
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I have to agree with Will...if you spill too much, others' minds tend to wonder...That's how bf's sleep with eachother's mates because too much slip of the tongue and telling too many details...It will make people curious and want to "see" what you are talking about...Now, as for the guy talking the way he did about his gf, you have to think about what he might really be hiding....most of the time when someone is spilling too freely, they are actually not telling the truth or hiding something. Now, yes, some guys are just tools and want to seem more important than they really are and tell ALL of their biznezz, but if you really were uncomfortable, tell him to shut his mouth because you don't want to hear it. Now as for the guy at work, he needs to mind his and just do his job...I know when you have worked with someone for years and have a somewhat little more than work type relationship with them you might know more about them than someone you haven't worked with for some time (I wouldn't know because I can't find a job in this funcky town to call my own). But, as a society that's so called free and democratic, we are actually one of the biggest communistic societies because we tend to shun public sexuality, public displays of affection (of any type) and are always told what to think and feel....We are a new generation and we need to speak of what we WANT and how we want. And as for chivalry, let it go, there aren't enough REAL parents to teaching it to their children for it to even be heard of.
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MzVirgo, Thanks for the comment and advice. I think it's interesting the idea of not spilling too much to avoid cheating...I guess it would just surprise me because I don't think those are the reasons people sleep with their best friends' significant others. I think some people are more inclined to not be faithful and it's kind of unavoidable without serious self-control.
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